I recently asked a simple question in a Facebook group full of sailors:  “What makes a great sailing partner?” A tidal wave of responses followed. 169 people chimed in with everything from deeply thoughtful reflections to brutally honest confessions, jokes about dogs, autopilots, skimpy bikinis, and more than a few declarations that solo sailing is the only answer.

Once you read past the humor and sarcasm, some very clear patterns emerge. So, here they are: The Top 7 Things that Actually Make a Great Sailing Partner, according to sailors who have been there, done that, and probably argued about it while docking.

1. Patience (the undisputed champion)

Patience showed up again and again, sometimes politely, sometimes emphatically, sometimes in ALL CAPS. Things break, weather changes, lines get tangled, and none of it happens on your preferred schedule. A great sailing partner:

• Does not panic when things go wrong
• Does not take stress personally
• Understands that yelling during a maneuver is not the same as yelling at someone

2. Trust

Trust appeared in dozens of comments, often phrased like this: “Someone you trust enough that you can sleep while on passage.” That is it. That is the test. Without trust, you do not rest. Without rest, everything else unravels fast. A great sailing partner is someone you trust to:

• Stand a proper watch
• Make sound decisions when you are off watch
• Wake you when needed (and only when needed)

3. Calm Under Pressure

Many sailors described this without using the word calm, but the meaning was clear. Offshore, people do not become better versions of themselves, they become truer ones. You want someone who:

• Does not panic
• Does not melt down
• Does not escalate stress or make miserable conditions more miserable

One commenter perfectly summed it up: “Somebody who suffers well.”

4. Communication and Teamwork

This was a major theme. Many sailors said some version of: “The same things that make a great life partner.” Clear communication. Mutual respect. Teamwork. The ability to listen, learn, and adapt. Several commenters also made an important point: partner does not mean subservient or authoritarian. This is a shared mission. Great sailing partners:

• Share the workload without being asked
• Communicate clearly, especially when things get hectic
• Understand the difference between urgency and disrespect
• Know when to speak and when silence is better

5. Competence (or the willingness to learn)

You do not have to know everything. You do have to admit what you don’t know and be willing to learn. Confidence matters, but humility matters just as much. As one person put it: “A friend who knows as much or more than you do, but does not need to prove it.” Again and again, sailors emphasized:

• Basic skills
• Situational awareness
• Asking questions instead of guessing
• A willingness to learn

6. Sense of Humor

When you are wet, tired, bruised, under caffeinated, and three hours into a repair you did not plan for, humor becomes a survival strategy. You can teach almost anyone to sail. You cannot teach someone to be pleasant at two in the morning in twelve foot seas. A great sailing partner:

• Laughs after the crisis has passed
• Does not dwell on minor mistakes
• Keeps morale afloat

7. Emotional Maturity (the one nobody said, but everyone meant)

This quality showed up indirectly, but constantly. Great sailing partners:

• Regulate their emotions
• Do not weaponize stress
• Can hear feedback without becoming defensive
• Understand that the boat comes first

Honorable Mentions (According to the Internet):

• Dogs
• Autopilots
• A bottle of rum
• A large bank account

And yes, many sailors concluded that solo sailing is the ultimate solution, which tells you everything you need to know about how hard partnership at sea can be.

Final Thoughts

A great sailing partner is not about perfection. It is about reliability, patience, trust, and emotional steadiness when the ocean decides to test you. Or, as one of the most honest comments put it:
“You will only know if someone is a great sailing partner after sailing with them when the sh*t hits the fan.” If you’d like to read the full discussion thread, you can here.

Fair winds and Happy Valentines Day, choose your partner wisely!